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21.  Why Not Me

Rating:  ☆☆☆☆

Recommended by:   

Author:  Mindy Kaling

Genre:  Non-Fiction, Memoir, Humor

Info:  240 pages, published September 15, 2015

Reading Format:  Audiobook

Summary 

In Why Not Me?, Kaling, writer and actor on “The Office” and “The Mindy Project,” shares a series of essays that provide hilarious details from her personal and professional life, from new friendships to beauty tips.  A follow up to her earlier Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?, which is also very funny and covers her childhood and young adult years, Why Not Me? focuses on Kaling’s Hollywood career and adult personal life. 

 

Quotes

“Who is the beauty icon who inspires you most?  Is it Sophia Loren, Audrey Hepburn, Halle Berry?  Mine is Nofestreau because that vampire taught me my number one and number two favorite beauty tricks.  Avoid the sun at all costs and always try to appear shrouded in shadows.”

“People get scared when you try to do something, especially when it looks like you’re succeeding. People do not get scared when you’re failing. It calms them. But when you’re winning, it makes them feel like they’re losing or, worse yet, that maybe they should’ve tried to do something too, but now it’s too late. And since they didn’t, they want to stop you. You can’t let them.”

“the best kind of laughter is laughter born of a shared memory.” 

“People don’t say “Give me your honest opinion” because they want an honest opinion. They say it because it’s rude to say “Please tell me I’m amazing.”

“People talk about confidence without ever bringing up hard work. That’s a mistake. I know I sound like some dour older spinster on Downton Abbey who has never felt a man’s touch and whose heart has turned to stone, but I don’t understand how you could have self-confidence if you don’t do the work… I have never, ever, ever, met a high confident person and successful person who is not what a movie would call a ‘workaholic.’ Because confidence is like respect; you have to earn it.”

“Work hard, know your shit, show your shit, and then feel entitled. Listen to no one except the two smartest and kindest adults you know, and that doesn’t always mean your parents. If you do that, you will be fine.”

“As I got older, I got craftier and less obvious, but I’ve always put a lot of energy and effort into people liking me. That’s why I’ve never understood the compliment “effortless.” People love to say: “She just walked into the party, charming people with her effortless beauty.” I don’t understand that at all. What’s so wrong with effort, anyway? It means you care. What about the girl who “walked into the party, her determination to please apparent on her eager face”? Sure, she might seem a little crazy, and, yes, maybe everything she says sounds like conversation starters she found on a website, but at least she’s trying. Let’s give her a shot!” 

“I want to say one last thing, and it’s important. Though I am a generally happy person who feels comfortable in my skin, I do beat myself up because I am influenced by a societal pressure to be thin. All the time. I feel it the same way anybody who picks up a magazine and sees Keira Knightley’s elegantly bony shoulder blades poking out of a backless dress does. I don’t know if I’ve ever seen my shoulder blades once. Honestly, I’m dubious that any part of my body could be so sharp and firm as to be described as a “blade.” I feel it when I wake up in the morning and try on every single pair of my jeans and everything looks bad and I just want to go back to sleep. But my secret is: even though I wish I could be thin, and that I could have the ease of lifestyle that I associate with being thin, I don’t wish for it with all of my heart. Because my heart is reserved for way more important things.” 

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20. Not Buying It: My Year Without Shopping

Rating:  ☆1/2

Recommended by:   

Author:  Judith Levine

Genre:  Non-Fiction

Info: 280 pages, published September 24, 2015

Reading Format:  Book

 

Summary

Author Judith Levine writes about the year-long experiment that she conducted with her partner Paul where they decided to stop all buying anything but the most necessary purchases.It is harder than she anticipates, but Levine gains new insight into our consumerist culture and economy.

 

My Take

This was really a book fail.  I picked it up from the Library based on its subject matter as I had made a 2016 New Year’s resolution to have a “no-buy” year.  I really did not want any more stuff coming into my already full house.  Unfortunately, Not Buying It was more of a political screed and offered little in the way of helpful advice.  Best to “not buy it” and avoid this book.

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19. After You

Rating: ☆☆☆1/2

Recommended by: 

Author:  JoJo Moyes 

Genre:  Fiction, Romance, Humor

Info:  400 pages, published September 24, 2015

Format:  Audio Book

Summary 

After You is the sequel to the best-selling book Me Before You, a tearjerker that I thoroughly enjoyed.  The sequel catches up with Louisa “Lou” Clark, coping with the aftermath of the death of Will Traynor, the invalid she fell in love with after caring for him during the last six months of his life.  

Lou is working a menial job as an airport barmaid and struggling to live her life without Will.  She ends up in a church basement with the members of the Moving On support group and discovers a new love interest in paramedic Sam Fielding, a strong, sensitive almost perfect man.  Along the way she develops a bond with Will’s daughter whom he never knew about.

 

Quotes

“There’s only one response (to losing someone).  You Live.  You throw yourself into everything and try not to think about the bruises.”

“That’s life. We don’t know what will happen. That’s why we have to take our chances when we can.”

“Life is short, right? We both know that. Well, what if you’re my chance? What if you are the thing that’s actually going to make me happiest?”

“You learn to live with it, with them. Because they do stay with you, even if they’re not living, breathing people any more.It’s not the same crushing grief you felt at first, the kind that swamps you, and makes you want to cry in the wrong places, and get irrationally angry with all the idiots who are still alive when the person you love is dead.  It’s just something you learn to accommodate.  Like adapting around a hole. I don’t know. It’s like you become … a doughnut instead of a bun”  

“You don’t have to let that one thing be the thing that defines you.”

“Mum, you’re not going to get divorced, are you?” Her eyes shot open. “Divorced? I’m a good Catholic girl, Louisa. We don’t divorce. We just make our men suffer for all eternity.” She waited just for a moment, and then she started to laugh.”

“None of us move on without a backward look. We move on always carrying with us those we have lost.  What we aim to do in our little group is ensure that carrying them is not a burden, something that feels impossible to bear, a weight keeping us stuck in the same place. We want their presence to feel like a gift.”

“No. Really. I’ve thought about it a lot. You learn to live with it, with them. Because they do stay with you, even if they’re not living, breathing people anymore. It’s not the same crushing grief you felt at first, the kind that swamps you and makes you want to cry in the wrong places and get irrationally angry with all the idiots who are still alive when the person you love is dead. It’s just something you learn to accommodate. Like adapting around a hole. I don’t know. It’s like you become . . . a doughnut instead of a bun.”

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18. 365 Days of Thank You’s

Rating:  ☆☆☆☆

Recommended by:  N/A

Author:  John Kralick

Genre:  Non-Fiction, Memoir, Self-Improvement, Happiness

Info:  240 pages, published December 28, 2010

Format:  Book

Summary 

At the age of 53, John Kralik’s life was at a miserably low point.  He was 40 pounds overweight, his girlfriend had just broken up with him, he was living in a tiny apartment with inadequate heating and cooling, his law firm was failing, he was going through a painful second divorce, he had become estranged from his two older children and was afraid he might lose contact with his young daughter and all of his dreams–including becoming a judge, seemed hopelessly out of reach.  

Instead of lamenting his plight, John decided to find some way to be grateful for what he had rather than focus on what he didn’t.  Inspired by a beautiful, simple note his ex-girlfriend had sent to thank him for his Christmas gift, John thought he might find a way to feel grateful by writing thank-you notes. He set a goal of writing 365 thank-you notes in the coming year.  Every day, he began to hand write thank you notes, to his clients who paid their bills on time, to friends and relatives for gifts or kindnesses he’d received, to anyone else to whom he was appreciative.  Soon after sending his first notes, John noticed that good things started happening, from financial gain to friendship, from weight loss to inner peace.  Before long, his whole life turned around.  

Quotes

“One of the most comforting aspects of writing a thank-you note was that it produced a tangible product.  Although I was giving it away and not keeping a copy, I felt I had introduced something into the world that made a small positive difference.  A piece of paper that would most certainly have been thrown out had been turned into a concrete expression of gratitude to someone else — and would have a positive effect by reminding a person that they had touched me in a positive way.”

“Scott, Thank you for taking the time each morning to greet me in a friendly way.  It is also so wonderful to me that you took the time and trouble to remember my name.  In this day and age, few people make this effort, and fewer still do it in a way that feels sincere.  You do both.  It really makes a difference to me every day.”

“Life is very short.  You need to do what you think will make you happy.”

“Then I heard a voice: “Until you learn to be grateful for the things you have,” it said, “you will not receive the things you want.”

“If the voice I’d heard in the mountains had implied that I would get all that I wanted, it seemed, at least at this juncture, that it was a promise unfulfilled. Yet, by being thankful for what I had, I realized that I had everything I needed.”

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17. The Happiness of Pursuit: Finding the Quest That Will Bring Purpose to Your Life

Rating:  ☆☆☆☆

Recommended by:  

Author:  Chris Guillebeau

Genre:  Non-Fiction, Self-Improvement, Happiness

Info:  304 pages, published September 9, 2014

Format:  Book

Summary 

The Happiness of Pursuit is all about quests and the people who set them.  Chris Guillebeau, the author, became interested in quests when he set out to visit all of the countries in the world by age thirty-five.  The people and quests he profiles are fascinating and diverse:  exploration, athletics, artistic pursuits to name a few.  The “questers” profiled included a suburban mom pursuing a wildly ambitious culinary project, a DJ producing the world’s largest symphony, a young widower completing the tasks his wife would never accomplish, and a teenager crossing an entire ocean alone – as well as a do-it-yourselfer tackling M.I.T.’s computer-science course, a nerd turning himself into real-life James Bond, and scores of others writing themselves into the record books.  The Happiness of Pursuit also explores the connection between questing and long-term happiness, i.e. how going after something in a methodical way enhances our lives.

 

Quotes

“The very basic core of a man’s living spirit is his passion for adventure.”

“Not everyone needs to believe in your dream, but you do.”

“a quest can bring purpose and meaning to your life,”

“Your comfort zone may be more like a cage you can’t escape from than a safe place you can retreat to.”

“Don’t just do something “fun.” Find a way to create structure around a project and build in a timeline.”

“What’s the difference between a hobby and a quest? You can stop thinking about a hobby, but a quest becomes a total fascination.”

“If you want to make every day an adventure, all you have to do is prioritize adventure. It has to become more important than routine.”

“The most important thing about art is to work. Nothing else matters except sitting down every day and trying.” So, too, for a quest. The most important thing is continuing to make progress.”

“A good plan allows for plenty of spontaneity and room for change – but without a plan at all, it’s difficult to work toward something significant over time.”

“Discontent is the first necessity of progress. —THOMAS A. EDISON”

“So many people live within unhappy circumstances and yet will not take the initiative to change their situation because they are conditioned to a life of security, conformity, and conservatism, all of which may appear to give one peace of mind, but in reality nothing is more damaging to the adventurous spirit within a man than a secure future.”

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16.  Redeeming Love

Rating:  ☆☆☆☆

Recommended by:  Adrienne Bulinski

Author:  Francine Rivers

Genre:  Fiction, Historical Fiction, Christian, Romance

Info:  465 pages, published May 9, 2005

Format:  Book

Summary 

Redeeming Love a historical romance novel set in the 1850s Gold Rush in California.  The story is inspired by the Book of Hosea from the Bible.  Its central theme is the redeeming love of God towards sinners. Angel, the main character, is abandoned by her father and sold to a house of prostitution after her mother dies.  Angel hardens herself to survive and expects nothing from men but betrayal.  When she meets Michael Hosea, Angel’s life begins to change.   Michael obeys God’s call to marry Angel and to love her unconditionally. Slowly, day by day, he defies Angel’s every bitter expectation, until despite her resistance, her frozen heart begins to thaw.  

 

Quotes

“Love is the way back into Eden. It is the way back to life.”

“If you love me as you claim to, then you love her as well. She’s part of me. Do you understand? She’s part of my flesh and my life. When you say things against her, you say them against me. When you cut her, you cut me. Do you understand?”

“All the way back, she had imagined him gloating and taunting, rubbing her face in her own broken pride. Instead, he knelt before her and washed her dirty, blistered feet. Throat burning, she looked down at his dark head and struggled with the feelings rising in her. She waited for them to die away, but they wouldn’t.”

“He was never angry when she made mistakes. He complimented and encouraged her. He shared his own mishaps with a sense of humor that made her less annoyed with her own incompetence. He gave her hope that she could learn, and pride when she did.”

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15. The Girl on the Train

Rating:  ☆☆☆☆

Recommended by:  Heather Bohart

Author:  Paula Hawkins

Genre:  Fiction, Mystery, Suspense

Info:  395 pages, published January 13, 2015

Format:  Audio Book

Summary 

The Girl on the Train is psychological thriller told from the point of view of three women: Rachel, Anna, and Megan.  Rachel Watson is a 32-year-old alcoholic who frequently binges and has blackouts.  Rachel’s life has been in a downward tailspin since her divorce from Tom, who left her for another woman, Anna Watson. Tom and Anna are now married and have a baby daughter which exacerbates Rachel’s self-destructive tendencies, as it was her inability to conceive a child that began her spiral into alcoholism.  

Rachel’s drinking has caused her to lose her job, a fact which she hides from her roommate by taking the train into the city every day.  While the train slowly passes her old house, which is now occupied by Tom, Anna, and their daughter, Rachel begins watching an unknown, attractive couple who live a few houses away from Tom, and fantasizes about the couple’s perfect life together until Rachel sees the wife kissing another man.  

When the wife goes missing after Rachel experiences a drunken blackout, Rachel begins to question whether she bears any responsibility.  As Rachel inserts herself into Scott Hipwell’s life and the investigation into Megan’s disappearance, the story unfolds in unpredictable ways.

 

Quotes

“But I did become sadder, and sadness gets boring after a while, for the sad person and for everyone around them.”

“I’d never realized, not until the last year or two of my life, how shaming it is to be pitied.”

”let’s be honest: women are still only really valued for two things—their looks and their role as mothers.”

“She must be very secure in herself, I suppose, in them, for it not to bother her, to walk where another woman has walked before.  She obviously doesn’t think of me as a threat. I think about Ted Hughes, moving Assia Wevill into the home he’d shared with Plath, of her wearing Sylvia’s clothes, brushing her hair with the same brush. I want to ring Anna up and remind her that Assia ended up with her head in the oven, just like Sylvia did.”

“I have never understood how people can blithely disregard the damage they do by following their hearts.  Who was it said that following your heart is a good thing? It is pure egotism, a selfishness to conquer all.”

“How much better life must have been for jealous drunks before emails and texts and mobile phones, before all this electronica and the traces it leaves.”

“it’s possible to miss what you’ve never had, to mourn for it.”

“Hollowness:  that I understand. I’m starting to believe that there isn’t anything you can do to fix it. That’s what I’ve taken from the therapy sessions: the holes in your life are permanent. You have to grow around them, like tree roots around concrete; you mold yourself through the gaps.”

“The thing about being barren is that you’re not allowed to get away from it. Not when you’re in your thirties. My friends were having children, friends of friends were having children, pregnancy and birth and first birthday parties were everywhere. I was asked about it all the time. My mother, our friends, colleagues at work. When was it going to be my turn? At some point our childlessness became an acceptable topic of Sunday-lunch conversation, not just between Tom and me, but more generally. What we were trying, what we should be doing, do you really think you should be having a second glass of wine? I was still young, there was still plenty of time, but failure cloaked me like a mantle, it overwhelmed me, dragged me under, and I gave up hope.”

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14. The Language of Flowers

Rating:  ☆☆☆

Recommended by:  Deidre Farrell

Author:  Vanessa Diffenbaugh

Genre:  Fiction, Romance

Info:  323 pages, published August 23, 2011

Format:  Book

Summary 

The Language of Flowers follows the fraught life of a Victoria Jones, who by the age of 18, had lived in 32 foster homes, and becomes a flower arranger.  Victoria learns the human lessons of love and trust with the aid of a flower dictionary, a type of Victorian-era book which defines what different types of flowers mean.

 

Quotes

“If it was true that moss did not have roots, and maternal love could grow spontaneously as if from nothing, perhaps I had been wrong to believe myself unfit to raise my daughter. Perhaps the unattached, the unwanted, the unloved, could grow to give love as lushly as anyone else.”

“Common thistle is everywhere,” she said. “Which is perhaps why human beings are so relentlessly unkind to one another.”

“She was perfect. I knew this the moment she emerged from my body, white and wet and wailing. Beyond the requisite ten fingers and ten toes, the beating heart, the lungs inhaling and exhaling oxygen, my daughter knew how to scream. She knew how to make herself heard. She knew how to reach out and latch on. She knew what she needed to do to survive. I didn’t know how it was possible that such perfection could have developed within a body as flawed as my own, but when I looked into her face, I saw that it clearly was.”

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13. Lean In: Women, Work and the Will to Lead

Rating:  ☆☆☆☆

Recommended by:  Adrienne Bulinkski

Author:  Sheryl Sandberg

Genre:  Non-Fiction, Self-Improvement, Memoir

Info:  387 pages, published March 11, 2013

Format:  Audio Book

Summary 

When published in 2013, Lean In, Sheryl Sandberg’s provocative call to action about women and power quickly became part of the zeitgeist and the subject of much discussion among professional women.  The book grew out of an electrifying TED talk Sandberg gave in 2010, which has been viewed nearly 2,000,000 times, in which she expressed her concern that progress for women in achieving major leadership positions had stalled.  In Lean In, Sandberg relates humorous personal anecdotes, personal lessons on confidence and leadership, and practical advice for women based on research, data, her own experiences, and the experiences of other women of all ages.  Lean In wrestles with the great questions of modern life and Sandberg’s message to women is don’t sell yourself short and give up before you even try.  

 

Quotes

“Done is better than perfect.”

“Careers are a jungle gym, not a ladder.”

“When looking for a life partner, my advice to women is date all of them: the bad boys, the cool boys, the commitment-phobic boys, the crazy boys. But do not marry them. The things that make the bad boys sexy do not make them good husbands. When it comes time to settle down, find someone who wants an equal partner. Someone who thinks women should be smart, opinionated and ambitious. Someone who values fairness and expects or, even better, wants to do his share in the home. These men exist and, trust me, over time, nothing is sexier.”

“I have never met a woman, or man, who stated emphatically, “Yes, I have it all.'” Because no matter what any of us has—and how grateful we are for what we have—no one has it all.” 

“Fortune does favor the bold and you’ll never know what you’re capable of if you don’t try.” 

“Women need to shift from thinking “I’m not ready to do that” to thinking “I want to do that- and I’ll learn by doing it.” 

“we compromise our career goals to make room for partners and children who may not even exist yet” 

“Leadership is about making others better as a result of your presence and making sure that impact lasts in your absence.” (Harvard Business School definition of leadership)” 

“There is no perfect fit when you’re looking for the next big thing to do. You have to take opportunities and make an opportunity fit for you, rather than the other way around. The ability to learn is the most important quality a leader can have.”

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12. The Happiness Advantage: The Seven Principles of Positive Psychology That Fuel Success and Performance at Work

Rating:  ☆☆☆1/2

Recommended by:   

Author:  Shawn Achor

Genre:  Non-Fiction, Self-Improvement, Happiness

Info:   256 pages, published 2010

Format:  Book

Summary 

Most people believe that if they work hard, they will be successful and that once they are successful, they will be happy.  In The Happiness Advantage, human potential consultant and former Harvard professor Shawn Achor argues that the conventional wisdom is backwards, i.e. people who start off happy are more likely to succeed while people who start off unhappy are more likely to fail.  This conclusion comes from Achor’s own research which included an empirical survey of 1,600 high achieving undergraduates at Harvard as well as more than 200 scientific studies on nearly 275,000 people. Achor is a proponent of positive psychology, which draws lessons from successful people rather than the failures.  College freshmen who were shown to be happy had a higher income 19 years later than their unhappy classmates.  Other experiments showed that happiness led to more creativity and greater vision.

 

Quotes

“Happiness is not the belief that we don’t need to change; it’s the realization that we can.”

“When our brains constantly scan for and focus on the positive, we profit from three of the most important tools available to us: happiness, gratitude, and optimism. The role happiness plays should be obvious—the more you pick up on the positive around you, the better you’ll feel—and we’ve already seen the advantages to performance that brings. The second mechanism at work here is gratitude, because the more opportunities for positivity we see, the more grateful we become. Psychologist Robert Emmons, who has spent nearly his entire career studying gratitude, has found that few things in life are as integral to our well-being.  Countless other studies have shown that consistently grateful people are more energetic, emotionally intelligent, forgiving, and less likely to be depressed, anxious, or lonely. And it’s not that people are only grateful because they are happier, either; gratitude has proven to be a significant cause of positive outcomes. When researchers pick random volunteers and train them to be more grateful over a period of a few weeks, they become happier and more optimistic, feel more socially connected, enjoy better quality sleep, and even experience fewer headaches than control groups.”

“..the more you believe in your own ability to success the more likely it is that you will.”

“The fastest way to disengage an employee is to tell him his work is meaningful only because of the paycheck.”

“Constantly scanning the world for the negative comes with a great cost. It undercuts our creativity, raises our stress levels, and lowers our motivation and ability to accomplish goals.”

“Each one of us is like that butterfly the Butterfly Effect . And each tiny move toward a more positive mindset can send ripples of positivity through our organizations our families and our communities.”

“the key to daily practice is to put your desired actions as close to the path of least resistance as humanly possible. Identify the activation energy—the time, the choices, the mental and physical effort they require—and then reduce it. If you can cut the activation energy for those habits that lead to success, even by as little as 20 seconds at a time, it won’t be long before you start reaping their benefits.”

“For me, happiness is the joy we feel striving after our potential.”

“Focusing on the good isn’t just about overcoming our inner grump to see the glass half full. It’s about opening our minds to the ideas and opportunities that will help us be more productive, effective, and successful at work and in life.”

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