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41. The Unlikely Pilgrimage of Harold Fry

Rating:  ☆☆☆☆

Recommended by:

Author:   Rachel Joyce

Genre:  Fiction, Happiness

320 pages, published July 24, 2012

Reading Format:  Audio Book

 

Summary

Recently retired and at loose ends, Harold Fry receives a letter from Queenie Hennessy, an old friend and former work colleague who he hasn’t heard from in twenty years who has written to say she is dying and to tell Harold goodbye.  Harold writes Queenie a letter in reply and walks to his neighborhood mailbox to post it, but something unexpected happens.  Harold  becomes convinced that he must deliver his message in person to Queenie, who is 600 miles away in a hospice, because as long as he keeps walking, Harold believes that Queenie will not die.   So begins the unexpected pilgrimage of Harold Fry.  Harold meets meets various characters along the way who cause Harold to look back on his life and examine his failed relationships with his wife and son.

 

Quotes

“Upstairs, Maureen shut the door of David’s room quietly and stood a moment breathing him in.  She pulled open his blue curtains that she closed every night and checked that there was no dust where the hem of the net drapes met the windowsill.  She polished the silver frame of his Cambridge portrait and the black and white baby photograph beside it.  She kept the room clean because she was waiting for David to come back and she never knew when that might be.  A part of her was always waiting.  Men had no idea what it was like to be a mother.  The ache of loving a child, even when he had moved on.”

 

“Harold asked himself if years ago he shouldn’t have pressed Maureen to have another baby.  “David is enough,” she had said.  “He is all we need.”  But sometimes he was afraid that having one son was too much to bear.  He wondered if the pain of loving became diluted the more you had.  A child’s growing was a constant pushing away.”

 

“People were buying milk, or filling their cars with petrol, or even posting letters. And what no one else knew was the appalling weight of the thing they were carrying inside. The superhuman effort it took sometimes to be normal, and a part of things that appeared both easy and everyday. The loneliness of that.”

 

“If I just keep putting one foot in front of the other, it stands to reason that I’m going to get there. I’ve begun to think we sit far more than we’re supposed to.” He smiled. “Why else would we have feet?”

 

“you could be ordinary and attempt something extraordinary, without being able to explain it in a logical way.”

 

“He must have driven this way countless times, and yet he had no memory of the scenery. He must have been so caught up in the day’s agenda, and arriving punctually at their destination, that the land beyond the car had been no more than a wash of one green, and a backdrop of one hill. Life was very different when you walked through it.”

 

“There was no escaping what he had realized as he fought for warmth in the night. With or without him,the moon and the wind would go on, rising and falling. The land would keep stretching ahead until it hit the sea. People would keep dying. It made no difference if Harold walked, or trembled, or stayed at home.”

 

“I miss her all the time.  I know in my head that she has gone. The only difference is that I am getting used to the pain.  It’s like discovering a great hole in the ground. To begin with, you forget it’s there and keep falling in.  After a while, it’s still there, but you learn to walk round it.”

 

“… He went under the stars, and the tender light of the moon, when it hung like an eyelash and the tree trunks shone like bones. He walked through wind and weather, and beneath sun-bleached skies. It seemed to Harold that he had been waiting all his life to walk. He no longer knew how far he had come, but only that he was going forward. The pale Cotswold stone became the red brick of Warwickshire, and the land flattened into middle England. Harold reached his hand to his mouth to brush away a fly, and felt a beard growing in thick tufts. Queenie would live. He knew it.”

 

My Take

I really loved listening to The Unlikely Pilgrimage of Harold Fry.  This is a beautifully written book about the human spirit, the meaning of life, and coming to terms with not only what you did in life, but more importantly what you failed to do.  As a side note, The Unlikely Pilgrimage of Harold Fry, reminded me a lot of A Man Called Ove, another book I read this year and really enjoyed.

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86. 100 Days of Happiness: a novel

Rating:  ☆☆☆☆☆

Recommended by:  

Author:   Fausto Brizzi

Genre:  Fiction

368 pages, published August 11, 2015

Reading Format:  Audio Book

 

Summary

100 Days of Happiness tells the story of Lucio Battistini, a resident of Rome, who is separated from his wife Paola and their two young children (Lorenzo and Eva) after she learns that he has had an affair.  Lucio is sleeping in the stock room of his father-in-law’s bakery when he learns that he has inoperable cancer and only 100 days to live, give or take.  Lucio buys a notebook and the first item he writes in it is to win back Paola.  Lucio spends the next three months trying to do that and also enjoying every moment with a zest he hasn’t felt in years.  By the end of the journey, Lucio becomes the man he’s always meant to be.

 

Quotes

“I know her by heart, and that doesn’t make me love her any less. Like a Dante scholar who learns the entire Divine Comedy and then just appreciates the poem even more profoundly.”

 

“The important thing is to make sure that when death comes, it finds us still alive.”

 

“Always remember that the only riches we possess are the dreams we have as children. They are the fuel of our lives, the only force that pushes us to keep on going even when things have gone all wrong.”

 

“Just work, work, work, even at the risk of making mistakes. And if and when you do make mistakes, and you do hurt someone, ask for forgiveness. Asking forgiveness and admitting you’ve made a mistake is the hardest thing of all. But if someone else does you good, remember it always. Showing gratitude is every bit as complicated.”

 

“Every one of us has already experienced thousands of last times without even realizing it. Most of the time, in fact, you never even imagine that what you’re experiencing is the last time.”

 

“It makes me sad. Everything, even good things, makes me sad.”

 

“A chitchat shop. Simple but brilliant. Not even Leonardo da Vinci ever came up with this one. It’s like a pharmacy that stocks friendship.”

 

“Sometimes real troubles give you a strength you never had before”

 

“Papà was a professional bullshit artist so outstanding in his lying skills that if he’d set his mind to it, he could easily have become prime minister of Italy.”

 

My Take

I really loved 100 Days of Happiness and gave it one of my few five star ratings.  While the subject matter (one’s last three months to live) is somber and could be depressing, Lucio makes it into a kind of wistful adventure on which you are all too happy to tag along on. Along the way, as we learn about what matters most to Lucio, you are given the opportunity to reflect on what is most important to you.  How you spend the last 100 days of your life?  What have you left undone that you can address before it’s too late?  It also doesn’t hurt that the book takes place in Italy, one of my favorite countries, and Brizzi makes you feel as if you are there (or at least wish you were).  I highly recommend this book, especially the audio book version.

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85. Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead

Rating:  ☆☆☆

Recommended by:  

Author:   Brené Brown

Genre:  Non-Fiction. Self-Help, Psychology

287 pages, published September 11, 2012

Reading Format:  Audio Book

 

Summary

Brené Brown begins Daring Greatly with the following quote from Theodore Roosevelt:  “It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; . . . who at best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly.”   This famous quote captures the theme of Brown’s self-improvement tome. She encourages the reader to dare greatly by being vulnerable, having courage and engaging with our whole hearts.

 

Quotes

“Courage starts with showing up and letting ourselves be seen.”

 

“Because true belonging only happens when we present our authentic, imperfect selves to the world, our sense of belonging can never be greater than our level of self-acceptance.”

 

“Vulnerability sounds like truth and feels like courage. Truth and courage aren’t always comfortable, but they’re never weakness.”

 

“Vulnerability is the birthplace of love, belonging, joy, courage, empathy, and creativity. It is the source of hope, empathy, accountability, and authenticity. If we want greater clarity in our purpose or deeper and more meaningful spiritual lives, vulnerability is the path.”

 

“If we can share our story with someone who responds with empathy and understanding, shame can’t survive.”

 

“Connection is why we’re here; it is what gives purpose and meaning to our lives. The power that connection holds in our lives was confirmed when the main concern about connection emerged as the fear of disconnection; the fear that something we have done or failed to do, something about who we are or where we come from, has made us unlovable and unworthy of connection.”

 

“When I look at narcissism through the vulnerability lens, I see the shame-based fear of being ordinary. I see the fear of never feeling extraordinary enough to be noticed, to be lovable, to belong, or to cultivate a sense of purpose.”

 

“The real questions for parents should be: “Are you engaged? Are you paying attention?” If so, plan to make lots of mistakes and bad decisions. Imperfect parenting moments turn into gifts as our children watch us try to figure out what went wrong and how we can do better next time. The mandate is not to be perfect and raise happy children. Perfection doesn’t exist, and I’ve found what makes children happy doesn’t always prepare them to be courageous, engaged adults.”

 

“Wholeheartedness. There are many tenets of Wholeheartedness, but at its very core is vulnerability and worthiness; facing uncertainty, exposure, and emotional risks, and knowing that I am enough.”

 

“Spirituality emerged as a fundamental guidepost in Wholeheartedness. Not religiosity but the deeply held belief that we are inextricably connected to one another by a force greater than ourselves–a force grounded in love and compassion. For some of us that’s God, for others it’s nature, art, or even human soulfulness. I believe that owning our worthiness is the act of acknowledging that we are sacred. Perhaps embracing vulnerability and overcoming numbing is ultimately about the care and feeding of our spirits.”

 

“Those who feel lovable, who love, and who experience belonging simply believe they are worthy of love and belonging. I often say that Wholeheartedness is like the North Star: We never really arrive, but we certainly know if we’re headed in the right direction.”

 

“Vulnerability is not knowing victory or defeat, it’s understanding the necessity of both; it’s engaging. It’s being all in.”

 

“For me, and for many of us, our first waking thought of the day is “I didn’t get enough sleep.” The next one is “I don’t have enough time.” Whether true or not, that thought of not enough occurs to us automatically before we even think to question or examine it. We spend most of the hours and the days of our lives hearing, explaining, complaining, or worrying about what we don’t have enough of. …Before we even sit up in bed, before our feet touch the floor, we’re already inadequate, already behind, already losing, already lacking something. And by the time we go to bed at night, our minds are racing with a litany of what we didn’t get, or didn’t get done, that day. We go to sleep burdened by those thoughts and wake up to that reverie of lack. …This internal condition of scarcity, this mind-set of scarcity, lives at the very heart of our jealousies, our greed, our prejudice, and our arguments with life.”

My Take

While there are some ideas expressed in Daring Greatly that I agreed with and was inspired by, as a whole the book didn’t have a huge impact on me.  However, I did appreciate Brown’s focus on the importance of vulnerability and wholeheartedness and concur that they are both important parts of having a meaningful and courageous life.

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83. Modern Romance

Rating:  ☆☆☆1/2

Recommended by:  

Author:   Aziz Ansari

Genre:  Non-Fiction, Humor

288 pages, published June 16, 2014

Reading Format:  Audio Book

 

Summary

With the advent of smart phones, texting, social media, and on-line dating, things have changed dramatically in the past few decades.  Single people today have more romantic options than at any point in human history, but are often more frustrated as they try to find Mr. or Mrs. Right.  In Modern Romance, comic Aziz Ansari takes a look at modern day courting and relationships.  Ansari teamed up with NYU sociologist Eric Klinenberg and consulted with some of the world’s leading social scientists. They designed a massive research project, including hundreds of interviews and focus groups conducted everywhere from Tokyo to Buenos Aires to Wichita.  They analyzed behavioral data and surveys and created their own online research forum on Reddit, which drew thousands of messages.  The result is a unique book which combines social science and humor.

 

Quotes

“Marriage was an economic institution in which you were given a partnership for life in terms of children and social status and succession and companionship. But now we want our partner to still give us all these things, but in addition I want you to be my best friend and my trusted confidant and my passionate lover to boot, and we live twice as long. So we come to one person, and we basically are asking them to give us what once an entire village used to provide: Give me belonging, give me identity, give me continuity, but give me transcendence and mystery and awe all in one. Give me comfort, give me edge. Give me novelty, give me familiarity. Give me predictability, give me surprise. And we think it’s a given, and toys and lingerie are going to save us with that. Ideally, though, we’re lucky, and we find our soul mate and enjoy that life-changing mother lode of happiness. But a soul mate is a very hard thing to find.”

 

“Like most fedora wearers, he had a lot of inexplicable confidence.”

 

“When I’ve really been in love with someone, it’s not because they looked a certain way or liked a certain TV show or a certain cuisine. It’s more because when I watched a certain TV show or ate a certain cuisine with them, it was the most fun thing ever.”

 

“We want something that’s very passionate, or boiling, from the get-go. In the past, people weren’t looking for something boiling; they just needed some water. Once they found it and committed to a life together, they did their best to heat things up. Now, if things aren’t boiling, committing to marriage seems premature.”

 

“As a medium, it’s safe to say, texting facilitates flakiness and rudeness and many other personality traits that would not be expressed in a phone call or an in-person interaction.”

 

“No matter how many options we have, the real challenge is figuring out how to evaluate them.”

 

“That’s the thing about the Internet: It doesn’t simply help us find the best thing out there; it has helped to produce the idea that there is a best thing and, if we search hard enough, we can find it. And in turn there are a whole bunch of inferior things that we’d be foolish to choose.”

 

“This kind of rigor goes into a lot of my decision making. Whether it’s where I’m eating, where I’m traveling, or, god forbid, something I’m buying, I feel compelled to do a lot of research to make sure I’m getting the best.  At certain times, though, this “I need the best” mentality can be debilitating. I wish I could just eat somewhere that looks good and be happy with my choice. But I can’t. The problem is that I know somewhere there is a perfect meal for me and I have to do however much research I can to find it.”

 

“Finding someone today is probably more complicated and stressful than it was for previous generations—but you’re also more likely to end up with someone you are really excited about.”

 

“There is no official guidebook anywhere on texting yet, but a cultural consensus has slowly formed in regard to texts. Some basic rules:  Don’t text back right away. You come off like a loser who has nothing going on.  If you write to someone, don’t text them again until you hear from them.  The amount of text you write should be of a similar length to what the other person has written to you. Carrying this through, if your messages are in blue and the other person’s messages are green, if there is a shit ton more blue than green in your conversation, this person doesn’t give a shit about you.  The person who receives the last message in a convo WINS!”

 

“We repeatedly found that one text can change the whole dynamic of a budding relationship. … When I spoke with Sherry Turkle about this, she said that texting, unlike an in-person conversation, is not a forgiving medium for mistakes. In a face-to-face conversation, people can read each other’s body language, facial expressions, and tones of voice. If you say something wrong, you have the cues to sense it and you have a moment to recover or rephrase before it makes a lasting impact. Even on the phone you can hear a change in someone’s voice or a pause to let you know how they are interpreting what you’ve said. In text, your mistake just sits there marinating on the other person’s screen, leaving a lasting record of your ineptitude and bozoness.”

 

“Unlike phone calls, which bind two people in real-time conversations that require at least some shared interpretation of the situation, communication by text has no predetermined temporal sequencing and lots of room for ambiguity. Did I just use the phrase “predetermined temporal sequencing”? Fuck yeah, I did.”

 

“The most popular time to sext is Tuesday between 10:00 A.M. and noon. Yes, we looked this up twice. Strange!”

 

“Sheena Iyengar, a Columbia University professor who specializes in research on choice, put it to me another way: “People are not products,” she said bluntly. “But, essentially, when you say, ‘I want a guy that’s six foot tall and has blah, blah, blah characteristics,’ you’re treating a human being like one.”

 

“After the rings, the priest should just say, “Enjoy it, bing-bongs. Due to our brain’s tendency toward hedonic adaptation, you won’t feel quite this giddy in a few years. All right, where’s the pigs in a blanket? I’m outta here.”

 

“Want to know what’s filling up the phones of nearly every single woman? It’s this: “Hey,” “Hey!” Heyyy!!” “Hey what’s going?” “Wsup,” “Wsup!” “What’s going on?” “Whatcha up to?”

 

“True love? This guy has a job and a decent mustache. Lock it down, girl.”

 

“This change in communication may have some side effects, though. In her book Alone Together, MIT social psychologist Sherry Turkle convincingly makes the case that younger people are so used to text-based communications, where they have time to gather their thoughts and precisely plan what they are going to say, that they are losing their ability to have spontaneous conversation. She argues that the muscles in our brain that help us with spontaneous conversation are getting less exercise in the text-filled world, so our skills are declining. When we did the large focus group where we split the room by generation—kids on the left, parents on the right—a strange thing happened. Before the show started, we noticed that the parents’ side of the room was full of chatter. People were talking to one another and asking how they had ended up at the event and getting to know people. On the kids’ side, everyone was buried in their phones and not talking to anyone around them. It made me wonder whether our ability and desire to interact with strangers is another muscle that risks atrophy in the smartphone world.”

 

My Take

As an avid viewer of Parks and Rec and Master of None, I have enjoyed Aziz Ansari’s humor for many years and was curious about this book. As an older Gen X-er who met my husband in Law School and has been happily married since 1994, I have never engaged in the world described in Modern Romance and am very grateful to avoid it.  As described by Ansari, on-line dating, communicating with potential romantic interests by texting, and all of the dating and hook up apps that singles use today seem overwhelming and a huge time suck.  After reading this informative and often funny book, it is impressive that any young people actually meet a significant other and make the commitment to marriage.

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82. Happy Money: The Science of Smarter Spending

Rating:  ☆☆☆1/2

Recommended by:  

Author:   Elizabeth Dunn and Michael Norton

Genre:  Non-Fiction, Finance, Happiness, Self-Improvement

224 pages, published May 14, 2013

Reading Format:  Book

 

Summary

Professors Dunn and Norton delve into behavioral science research to explain how money can buy happiness—if you follow the five core principles of smart spending:

 

  1.  Buy Experiences:  Most Americans describe owning a home as an essential component of the American dream. But recent happiness research suggests that home ownership is far from dreamy.  Material things (from beautiful homes to fancy pens) turn out to provide less happiness than experiential purchases (like trips, concerts, and special meals).  Whether you’re spending $1 or $200,000, buying experiences rather than material goods can inoculate you against buyer’s remorse.

 

  1.  Make It a Treat:  Many residents of London have never visited Big Ben.  What stops them? When something wonderful is always available, people are less inclined to appreciate it. Limiting our access to the things we like best may help to “re-virginize” us, renewing our capacity for pleasure.  Rather than advocating wholesale self-denial (say, giving up coffee completely), we’ll demonstrate the value of turning our favorite things back into treats (making that afternoon latte a special indulgence rather than a daily necessity.

 

  1.  Buy Time:  By permitting us to outsource our most dreaded tasks, from scrubbing toilets to cleaning gutters, money can transform the way we spend our time, freeing us to pursue our passions.  Yet wealthier individuals do not spend their time in happier ways on a daily basis; thus they fail to use their money to buy themselves happier time.  When people focus on their time rather than their money, they act like scientists of happiness, choosing activities that promote their well-being.  For companies, this principle entails thinking about compensation in a broader way, rewarding employees not only with money but with time.

 

  1.  Pay Now, Consume Later:  In the age of the iPad, products are available instantly and our wallets are lined with plastic instead of paper.  Digital technology and credit cards have encouraged us to adopt a “consume not and pay later” shopping mind-set.  By putting this powerful principle into reverse—by paying up front and delaying consumption—you can buy more happiness, even as you spend less money.  Because delaying consumption allows spenders to reap the pleasure of anticipation without the buzzkill of reality, vacations provide the most happiness before they occur.

 

  1.  Invest in Others:  New research demonstrates that spending money on others provides a bigger happiness boost than spending money on yourself.  And this principle holds in an extraordinary range of circumstances, from a Canadian college student purchasing a scarf for her mother to a Ugandan woman buying lifesaving malaria medication for a friend. The benefits of giving emerge among children before the age of two, and are detectable even in samples of saliva.  Investing in others can make individuals feel healthier and wealthier—and can even help people win at dodge ball.

 

Quotes

“Looking back on their past decisions about whether to purchase experiences, 83 percent of people sided with Mark Twain, reporting that their biggest single regret was one of inaction, of passing up the chance to buy an experience when the opportunity came along.”

 

“The Big Ben Problem suggests that introducing a limited time window may encourage people to seize opportunities for treats. Imagine you’ve just gotten a gift certificate for a piece of delicious cake and a beverage at a high-end French pastry shop. Would you rather see the gift certificate stamped with an expiration date two months from today, or just three weeks from now? Faced with this choice, most people were happier with the two-month option, and 68 percent reported that they would use it before this expiration date.25 But when they received a gift certificate for a tasty pastry at a local shop, only 6 percent of people redeemed it when they were given a two-month expiration date, compared to 31 percent of people who were given the shorter three-week window. People given two months to redeem the certificate kept thinking they could do it later, creating another instance of the Big Ben Problem—and leading them to miss out on a delicious treat.  Several years ago, Best Buy reported gaining $43 million from gift certificates that went unredeemed, propelling some consumer advocates and policy makers to push for extended expiration dates. But this strategy will likely backfire. We may have more success at maximizing our happiness when treats are only available for a limited time.”

My Take

There a lot of practical advice in Happy Money that, if followed, is likely to make you happier.  In my life, I have long practiced “pay now, consume later,” especially with travel (which also involves spending on an experience, rather than a product).  For me, at least half the fun of a trip is the planning that goes into it.  I also really enjoy looking back on trips that I have taken in the past and have never regretted any money that I have spent on travel.  I am also a big fan of “make it a treat” and can personally attest to the happiness boost that results.  As a devoted student of happiness, I can unequivocally recommend Happy Money as a way to increase your happiness.

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18. 365 Days of Thank You’s

Rating:  ☆☆☆☆

Recommended by:  N/A

Author:  John Kralick

Genre:  Non-Fiction, Memoir, Self-Improvement, Happiness

Info:  240 pages, published December 28, 2010

Format:  Book

Summary 

At the age of 53, John Kralik’s life was at a miserably low point.  He was 40 pounds overweight, his girlfriend had just broken up with him, he was living in a tiny apartment with inadequate heating and cooling, his law firm was failing, he was going through a painful second divorce, he had become estranged from his two older children and was afraid he might lose contact with his young daughter and all of his dreams–including becoming a judge, seemed hopelessly out of reach.  

Instead of lamenting his plight, John decided to find some way to be grateful for what he had rather than focus on what he didn’t.  Inspired by a beautiful, simple note his ex-girlfriend had sent to thank him for his Christmas gift, John thought he might find a way to feel grateful by writing thank-you notes. He set a goal of writing 365 thank-you notes in the coming year.  Every day, he began to hand write thank you notes, to his clients who paid their bills on time, to friends and relatives for gifts or kindnesses he’d received, to anyone else to whom he was appreciative.  Soon after sending his first notes, John noticed that good things started happening, from financial gain to friendship, from weight loss to inner peace.  Before long, his whole life turned around.  

Quotes

“One of the most comforting aspects of writing a thank-you note was that it produced a tangible product.  Although I was giving it away and not keeping a copy, I felt I had introduced something into the world that made a small positive difference.  A piece of paper that would most certainly have been thrown out had been turned into a concrete expression of gratitude to someone else — and would have a positive effect by reminding a person that they had touched me in a positive way.”

“Scott, Thank you for taking the time each morning to greet me in a friendly way.  It is also so wonderful to me that you took the time and trouble to remember my name.  In this day and age, few people make this effort, and fewer still do it in a way that feels sincere.  You do both.  It really makes a difference to me every day.”

“Life is very short.  You need to do what you think will make you happy.”

“Then I heard a voice: “Until you learn to be grateful for the things you have,” it said, “you will not receive the things you want.”

“If the voice I’d heard in the mountains had implied that I would get all that I wanted, it seemed, at least at this juncture, that it was a promise unfulfilled. Yet, by being thankful for what I had, I realized that I had everything I needed.”

Read more

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17. The Happiness of Pursuit: Finding the Quest That Will Bring Purpose to Your Life

Rating:  ☆☆☆☆

Recommended by:  

Author:  Chris Guillebeau

Genre:  Non-Fiction, Self-Improvement, Happiness

Info:  304 pages, published September 9, 2014

Format:  Book

Summary 

The Happiness of Pursuit is all about quests and the people who set them.  Chris Guillebeau, the author, became interested in quests when he set out to visit all of the countries in the world by age thirty-five.  The people and quests he profiles are fascinating and diverse:  exploration, athletics, artistic pursuits to name a few.  The “questers” profiled included a suburban mom pursuing a wildly ambitious culinary project, a DJ producing the world’s largest symphony, a young widower completing the tasks his wife would never accomplish, and a teenager crossing an entire ocean alone – as well as a do-it-yourselfer tackling M.I.T.’s computer-science course, a nerd turning himself into real-life James Bond, and scores of others writing themselves into the record books.  The Happiness of Pursuit also explores the connection between questing and long-term happiness, i.e. how going after something in a methodical way enhances our lives.

 

Quotes

“The very basic core of a man’s living spirit is his passion for adventure.”

“Not everyone needs to believe in your dream, but you do.”

“a quest can bring purpose and meaning to your life,”

“Your comfort zone may be more like a cage you can’t escape from than a safe place you can retreat to.”

“Don’t just do something “fun.” Find a way to create structure around a project and build in a timeline.”

“What’s the difference between a hobby and a quest? You can stop thinking about a hobby, but a quest becomes a total fascination.”

“If you want to make every day an adventure, all you have to do is prioritize adventure. It has to become more important than routine.”

“The most important thing about art is to work. Nothing else matters except sitting down every day and trying.” So, too, for a quest. The most important thing is continuing to make progress.”

“A good plan allows for plenty of spontaneity and room for change – but without a plan at all, it’s difficult to work toward something significant over time.”

“Discontent is the first necessity of progress. —THOMAS A. EDISON”

“So many people live within unhappy circumstances and yet will not take the initiative to change their situation because they are conditioned to a life of security, conformity, and conservatism, all of which may appear to give one peace of mind, but in reality nothing is more damaging to the adventurous spirit within a man than a secure future.”

Read more

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12. The Happiness Advantage: The Seven Principles of Positive Psychology That Fuel Success and Performance at Work

Rating:  ☆☆☆1/2

Recommended by:   

Author:  Shawn Achor

Genre:  Non-Fiction, Self-Improvement, Happiness

Info:   256 pages, published 2010

Format:  Book

Summary 

Most people believe that if they work hard, they will be successful and that once they are successful, they will be happy.  In The Happiness Advantage, human potential consultant and former Harvard professor Shawn Achor argues that the conventional wisdom is backwards, i.e. people who start off happy are more likely to succeed while people who start off unhappy are more likely to fail.  This conclusion comes from Achor’s own research which included an empirical survey of 1,600 high achieving undergraduates at Harvard as well as more than 200 scientific studies on nearly 275,000 people. Achor is a proponent of positive psychology, which draws lessons from successful people rather than the failures.  College freshmen who were shown to be happy had a higher income 19 years later than their unhappy classmates.  Other experiments showed that happiness led to more creativity and greater vision.

 

Quotes

“Happiness is not the belief that we don’t need to change; it’s the realization that we can.”

“When our brains constantly scan for and focus on the positive, we profit from three of the most important tools available to us: happiness, gratitude, and optimism. The role happiness plays should be obvious—the more you pick up on the positive around you, the better you’ll feel—and we’ve already seen the advantages to performance that brings. The second mechanism at work here is gratitude, because the more opportunities for positivity we see, the more grateful we become. Psychologist Robert Emmons, who has spent nearly his entire career studying gratitude, has found that few things in life are as integral to our well-being.  Countless other studies have shown that consistently grateful people are more energetic, emotionally intelligent, forgiving, and less likely to be depressed, anxious, or lonely. And it’s not that people are only grateful because they are happier, either; gratitude has proven to be a significant cause of positive outcomes. When researchers pick random volunteers and train them to be more grateful over a period of a few weeks, they become happier and more optimistic, feel more socially connected, enjoy better quality sleep, and even experience fewer headaches than control groups.”

“..the more you believe in your own ability to success the more likely it is that you will.”

“The fastest way to disengage an employee is to tell him his work is meaningful only because of the paycheck.”

“Constantly scanning the world for the negative comes with a great cost. It undercuts our creativity, raises our stress levels, and lowers our motivation and ability to accomplish goals.”

“Each one of us is like that butterfly the Butterfly Effect . And each tiny move toward a more positive mindset can send ripples of positivity through our organizations our families and our communities.”

“the key to daily practice is to put your desired actions as close to the path of least resistance as humanly possible. Identify the activation energy—the time, the choices, the mental and physical effort they require—and then reduce it. If you can cut the activation energy for those habits that lead to success, even by as little as 20 seconds at a time, it won’t be long before you start reaping their benefits.”

“For me, happiness is the joy we feel striving after our potential.”

“Focusing on the good isn’t just about overcoming our inner grump to see the glass half full. It’s about opening our minds to the ideas and opportunities that will help us be more productive, effective, and successful at work and in life.”

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6. Stumbling on Happiness

Rating:  ☆☆☆

Recommended by:  

Author:  Daniel Gilbert

Genre:  Non-Fiction, Self-Improvement, Happiness

Info: 336 pages, published January 1, 2006

Format:  Book

 

Summary 

Gilbert’s central thesis is that, through perception and cognitive biases, people imagine the future poorly, in particular what will make them happy.  He argues that imagination fails in three ways:

(1)  Imagination tends to add and remove details, but people do not realize that key details may be fabricated or missing from the imagined scenario.

(2) Imagined futures (and pasts) are more like the present than they actually will be (or were).

(3) Imagination fails to realize that things will feel different once they actually happen—most notably, the psychological immune system will make bad things feel not so bad as they are imagined to feel.

Gilbert then recommends using other people’s experiences to predict the future, instead of imagining it, since people are very similar in many of their experiences.

 

Quotes

“Our brain accepts what the eyes see and our eye looks for whatever our brain wants.” 

“The fact that we often judge the pleasure of an experience by its ending can cause us to make some curious choices.”

“Impact is rewarding. Mattering makes us happy.”

“In short, we derive support for our preferred conclusions by listening to the words that we put in the mouths of people who have already been preselected for their willingness to say what we want to hear.”

“Economies thrive when individuals strive, but because individuals will only strive for their own happiness, it is essential that they mistakenly believe that producing and consuming are routes to personal well-being.”

“Why isn’t it fun to watch a videotape of last night’s football game even when we don’t know who won? Because the fact that the game has already been played precludes the possibility that our cheering will somehow penetrate the television, travel through the cable system, find its way to the stadium, and influence the trajectory of the ball as it hurtles toward the goalposts!”

“Psychologists call this habituation, economists call it declining marginal utility, and the rest of us call it marriage.”

“Indeed, in the long run, people of every age and in every walk of life seem to regret “not” having done things much more than they regret things they “did”, which is why the most popular regrets include not going to college, not grasping profitable business opportunities, and not spending enough time with family and friends.”

“The belief-transmission network of which we are a part cannot operate without a continuously replenished supply of people to do the transmitting, thus the belief that children are a source of happiness becomes a part of our cultural wisdom simply because the opposite belief unravels the fabric of any society that holds it.”

“We treat our future selves as though they were our children, spending most of the hours of most of our days constructing tomorrows that we hope will make them happy… But our temporal progeny are often thankless. We toil and sweat to give them just what we think they will like, and they quit their jobs, grow their hair, move to or from San Francisco, and wonder how we could ever have been stupid enough to think they’d like that. We fail to achieve the accolades and rewards that we consider crucial to their well-being, and they end up thanking God that things didn’t work out according to our shortsighted, misguided plan.”

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2. Better than Before: Mastering the Habits of Our Everyday Lives

Rating:  ☆☆☆☆1/2

Recommended by:  Lisa Goldberg

Author:   Gretchen Rubin

Genre:   Non-Fiction, Self-Improvement, Happiness

Info:  320 pages, published March 17, 2015

Format:  Book

 

Summary 

Creating positive habits is a key to leading a happy life.   Habits “are the invisible architecture of daily life,” and “if we change our habits, we change our lives.”  In Better than Before, Gretchen Rubin help you identify your habits personality type (I’m an Upholder) and then shows you how you to create positive habits that will work for your type.

 

Quotes

“The desire to start something at the “right” time is usually just a justification for delay. In almost every case, the best time to start is now.”

“The biggest waste of time is to do well something that we need not do at all.”

“In the chaos of everyday life, it’s easy to lose sight of what really matters, and I can use my habits to make sure that my life reflects my values.”

“I should make one healthy choice, and then stop choosing.”

“With habits, we don’t make decisions, we don’t use self-control, we just do the thing we want ourselves to do—or that we don’t want to do.”

“Habits make change possible by freeing us from decision making and from using self-control.”

“The most important step is the first step. All those old sayings are really true. Well begun is half done. Don’t get it perfect, get it going. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. Nothing is more exhausting than the task that’s never started, and strangely, starting is often far harder than continuing.”

“What I do most days matters more than what I do once in a while.” That kind of self-encouragement is a greater safeguard than self-blame.”

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