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208. Start with Why: How Great Leaders Inspire Everyone to Take Action

Rating:  ☆☆☆☆1/2

Author:   Simon Sinek

Genre:  Non-Fiction, Psychology, Business, Self Improvement

256 pages, published October 29, 2009

Reading Format:  Audio Book on Hoopla

 

Summary

In his bestselling book Start with Why, Simon Sinek explores the question of why  some people and organizations are more innovative, influential, and profitable than others.   Why do some command greater loyalty from both their customers and employees? Why are so few able to repeat their success continuously?  Sinek answers these questions by developing the thesis that successful people and organizations start with “why” rather than “what” or “how.”  Why is not money or profit; those are always results.  Why does your organization exist?  Why does it do the things it does?  Why do customers really buy from one company or another?  Why are people loyal to some leaders, but not others?  As evidentiary support for his idea, Sinek profiles individuals Martin Luther King Jr., Steve Jobs, Gandhi and the Wright Brothers and organizations Apple, Starbucks, and Southwest Airlines.

 

Quotes 

“People don’t buy what you do; they buy why you do it. And what you do simply proves what you believe.”

 

“Leadership requires two things: a vision of the world that does not yet exist and the ability to communicate it.”

 

“There are only two ways to influence human behavior: you can manipulate it or you can inspire it.

 

“Very few people or companies can clearly articulate WHY they do WHAT they do. By WHY I mean your purpose, cause or belief – WHY does your company exist? WHY do you get out of bed every morning? And WHY should anyone care?”

 

“We are drawn to leaders and organizations that are good at communicating what they believe. Their ability to make us feel like we belong, to make us feel special, safe and not alone is part of what gives them the ability to inspire us.”

 

“For values or guiding principles to be truly effective they have to be verbs. It’s not “integrity,” it’s “always do the right thing.” It’s not “innovation,” it’s “look at the problem from a different angle.” Articulating our values as verbs gives us a clear idea – we have a clear idea of how to act in any situation.”

 

“Happy employees ensure happy customers. And happy customers ensure happy shareholders—in that order.”

 

“Leading is not the same as being the leader.  Being the leader means you hold the highest rank, either by earning it, good fortune or navigating internal politics.  Leading, however, means that others willingly follow you—not because they have to, not because they are paid to, but because they want to.”

 

“Some in management positions operate as if they are in a tree of monkeys. They make sure that everyone at the top of the tree looking down sees only smiles.  But all too often, those at the bottom looking up see only asses.”

 

“You don’t hire for skills, you hire for attitude. You can always teach skills.”

 

“Great companies don’t hire skilled people and motivate them, they hire already motivated people and inspire them.  People are either motivated or they are not.  Unless you give motivated people something to believe in, something bigger than their job to work toward, they will motivate themselves to find a new job and you’ll be stuck with whoever’s left.”

 

“Trust is maintained when values and beliefs are actively managed.  If companies do not actively work to keep clarity, discipline and consistency in balance, then trust starts to break down.”

 

“All organizations start with WHY, but only the great ones keep their WHY clear year after year.”

 

“The role of a leader is not to come up with all the great ideas. The role of a leader is to create an environment in which great ideas can happen.”

 

“When you compete against everyone else, no one wants to help you.  But when you compete against yourself, everyone wants to help you.”

 

“All organizations start with WHY, but only the great ones keep their WHY clear year after year. Those who forget WHY they were founded show up to the race every day to outdo someone else instead of to outdo themselves. The pursuit, for those who lose sight of WHY they are running the race, is for the medal or to beat someone else.”

 

“Great leaders and great organizations are good at seeing what most of us can’t see. They are good at giving us things we would never think of asking for.”

 

“Working hard for something we do not care about is called stress, working hard for something we love is called passion.”

 

“Henry Ford summed it up best. “If I had asked people what they wanted,” he said, “they would have said a faster horse.”

 

“Charisma has nothing to do with energy; it comes from a clarity of WHY. It comes from absolute conviction in an ideal bigger than oneself. Energy, in contrast, comes from a good night’s sleep or lots of caffeine. Energy can excite. But only charisma can inspire. Charisma commands loyalty. Energy does not.”

 

“Put bluntly, the struggle that so many companies have to differentiate or communicate their true value to the outside world is not a business problem, it’s a biology problem. And just like a person struggling to put her emotions into words, we rely on metaphors, imagery and analogies in an attempt to communicate how we feel. Absent the proper language to share our deep emotions, our purpose, cause or belief, we tell stories. We use symbols. We create tangible things for those who believe what we believe to point to and say, “That’s why I’m inspired.” If done properly, that’s what marketing, branding and products and services become; a way for organizations to communicate to the outside world. Communicate clearly and you shall be understood.”

 

“If the leader of the organization can’t clearly articulate WHY the organization exists in terms beyond its products or services, then how does he expect the employees to know WHY to come to work?”

 

“There are only two ways to influence human behavior: you can manipulate it or you can inspire it.”

 

“Studies show that over 80 percent of Americans do not have their dream job. If more knew how to build organizations that inspire, we could live in a world in which that statistic was the reverse – a world in which over 80 percent of people loved their jobs. People who love going to work are more productive and more creative. They go home happier and have happier families. They treat their colleagues and clients and customers better. Inspired employees make for stronger companies and stronger economies.”

 

“Innovation is not born from the dream, innovation is born from the struggle.”

 

My Take

Start With Why is a fascinating and inspiring book that explores how “why” we do something is so much more important than “how” or “what” we do.  While it is geared towards businesses, I found Simon Sinek’s principles translated to individuals.  We should all have a “why” in our lives, otherwise we will get to the end and wonder if our time here on earth was the most it could be.  For me, my why is “to live a full, connected and meaningful life with no regrets.”  Everything I do should flow from that “why.”  I highly recommend this book, especially if you have a business.

 

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205. Win Bigly: Persuasion in a World Where Facts Don’t Matter

Rating:  ☆☆☆☆

Author:   Scott Adams

Recommended by:   Scot Reader

Genre:  Non-Fiction, Psychology, Humor

304 pages, published November 16, 2017

Reading Format:  Book

 

Summary

From author Scott Adams, the creator of Dilbert, Win Bigly is an analysis of the strategies Donald Trump used to persuade voters to elect the most unconventional candidate in the history of the presidency.  Scott Adams, a trained hypnotist and a lifelong student of persuasion, was one of the earliest public figures to predict Trump’s win, doing so a week after Nate Silver put Trump’s odds at 2 percent in his FiveThirtyEight.com blog. The mainstream media regarded Trump as a novelty and a sideshow. But Adams recognized that Trump was a master persuader.  The book isn’t about whether Trump is good or bad.  Rather, Win Bigly explores the “how” of persuasion.

 

Quotes 

“We humans like to think we are creatures of reason. We aren’t. The reality is that we make our decisions first and rationalize them later….Your illusion of being a rational person is supported by the fact that sometimes you do act rationally.”

 

“On August 13, 2015, I predicted in my blog that Donald Trump had a 98 percent chance of winning the presidency based on his persuasion skills. A week earlier, the most respected political forecaster in the United States—Nate Silver—had put Trump’s odds of winning the Republican nomination at 2 percent in his FiveThirtyEight.com blog.”

 

“Trump’s unexpected win created a persuasion bomb that no one knew how to defuse. The anti-Trumpers were locked into their Hitler movie, and confirmation bias would keep them there. It was a terrible situation for a country. And it was an enormous challenge for Trump, the Master Persuader.”

 

“A good general rule is that people are more influenced by visual persuasion, emotion, repetition, and simplicity than they are by details and facts.”

 

“When you identify as part of a group, your opinions tend to be biased toward the group consensus.”

 

“People are more influenced by the direction of things than the current state.”

 

“Humans are hardwired to reciprocate favors. If you want someone’s cooperation in the future, do something for that person today.”

 

“The things that you think about the most will irrationally rise in importance in your mind.”

 

“Persuasion is effective even when the subject recognizes the technique. Everyone knows that stores list prices at $9.99 because $10.00 sounds like too much. It still works.”

 

“Unfortunately, most people believe that analogies are one of the best ways to persuade. That fact goes far in explaining why it seems that every debate on the Internet ends with a Hitler analogy. The phenomenon is so common it has its own name: Godwin’s law. But I doubt many people have changed an opinion just because a stranger on the Internet compared them to Hitler. A direct attack usually just hardens people into their current opinions.”

 

“I have no reason to believe humans evolved with the capability to understand their reality. That capability was not important to survival. When it comes to evolution, any illusion that keeps us alive long enough to procreate is good enough.”

 

“The grand illusion of life is that our minds have the capacity to understand reality. But human minds didn’t evolve to understand reality. We didn’t need that capability. A clear view of reality wasn’t necessary for our survival. Evolution cares only that you survive long enough to procreate. And that’s a low bar. The result is that each of us is, in effect, living in our own little movie that our brain has cooked up for us to explain our experiences”

 

“The common worldview, shared by most humans, is that there is one objective reality, and we humans can understand that reality through a rigorous application of facts and reason. This view of the world imagines that some people have already achieved a fact-based type of enlightenment that is compatible with science and logic, and they are trying to help the rest of us see the world the “right” way. As far as I can tell, most people share that interpretation of the world. The only wrinkle with that worldview is that we all think we are the enlightened ones. And we assume the people who disagree with us just need better facts, and perhaps better brains, in order to agree with us. That filter on life makes most of us happy—”

 

“The worst thing your brain could do is reinterpret your reality into a whole new movie with each new bit of information. That would be exhausting and without benefit. Instead, your brain takes the path of least resistance and instantly interprets your observations to fit your existing worldview. It’s just easier.”

 

“PERSUASION TIP 9 Display confidence (either real or faked) to improve your persuasiveness. You have to believe yourself, or at least appear as if you do, in order to get anyone else to believe.”

 

My Take

If you want to understand how Donald Trump won the 2016 presidential election, I suggest that you read Win, Bigly.  Scott Adams presciently predicted Trump’s win and does a masterful job explaining in this book how it happened.  He does so in an easy to read, informative, witty and humorous style.  You also learn a lot about the subject of persuasion.  A very quick, easy and fun read.

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202. How to Win Friends and Influence People

Rating:  ☆☆☆☆☆

Author:   Dale Carnegie

Genre:  Non-Fiction, Self-Improvement, Psychology

288 pages, published October, 1936

Reading Format:  Book

 

Summary

How to Win Friends and Influence People is primer for how to have sincere, positive interactions with other people to better achieve your personal and business goals.   Full of anecdotes to support his points, here is a summary of Carnegie’s advice:

 

Techniques in Handling People

  1. Don’t criticize, condemn or complain.
  2. Give honest and sincere appreciation.
  3. Arouse in the other person an eager want.

 

Six ways to make people like you

  1. Become genuinely interested in other people.
  2. Smile.
  3. Remember that a person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.
  4. Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.
  5. Talk in terms of the other person’s interests.
  6. Make the other person feel important – and do it sincerely.

 

Win people to your way of thinking

  1. The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.
  2. Show respect for the other person’s opinions. Never say, “You’re wrong.”
  3. If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.
  4. Begin in a friendly way.
  5. Get the other person saying “yes, yes” immediately.
  6. Let the other person do a great deal of the talking.
  7. Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers.
  8. Try honestly to see things from the other person’s point of view.
  9. Be sympathetic with the other person’s ideas and desires.
  10. Appeal to the nobler motives.
  11. Dramatize your ideas.
  12. Throw down a challenge.

 

Be a Leader: How to Change People Without Giving Offense or Arousing Resentment

  1. Begin with praise and honest appreciation.
  2. Call attention to people’s mistakes indirectly.
  3. Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person.
  4. Ask questions instead of giving direct orders.
  5. Let the other person save face.
  6. Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement. Be “hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise.”
  7. Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.
  8. Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct.
  9. Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest.

 

Quotes 

“It isn’t what you have or who you are or where you are or what you are doing that makes you happy or unhappy. It is what you think about it.”

 

“Everybody in the world is seeking happiness—and there is one sure way to find it. That is by controlling your thoughts. Happiness doesn’t depend on outward conditions. It depends on inner conditions.”

 

“You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.”

 

“Talk to someone about themselves and they’ll listen for hours.”

 

“Actions speak louder than words, and a smile says, ‘I like you. You make me happy. I am glad to see you. That is why dogs make such a hit. They are so glad to see us that they almost jump out of their skins. So, naturally, we are glad to see them.”

 

“People who smile,” he said, “tend to manage, teach and sell more effectively, and to raise happier children.”

 

“A man without a smiling face must not open a shop.”

 

“A great man shows his greatness,” said Carlyle, “by the way he treats little men.”

 

“The Value of a Smile at Christmas.   It costs nothing, but creates much.   It enriches those who receive, without impoverishing those who give.   It happens in a flash and the memory of it sometimes lasts forever.   None are so rich they can get along without it, and none so poor but are richer for its benefits.   It creates happiness in the home, fosters good will in a business, and is the countersign of friends.”

 

“The world is full of people who are grabbing and self-seeking. So the rare individual who unselfishly tries to serve others has an enormous advantage.”

 

“Benjamin Franklin, tactless in his youth, became so diplomatic, so adroit at handling people, that he was made American Ambassador to France. The secret of his success? “I will speak ill of no man,” he said, “ … and speak all the good I know of everybody.”

 

“The unvarnished truth is that almost all the people you meet feel themselves superior to you in some way, and a sure way to their hearts is to let them realize in some subtle way that you recognize their importance, and recognize it sincerely.”

 

“Remember that other people may be totally wrong. But they don’t think so.”

 

“As Lord Chesterfield said to his son: Be wiser than other people if you can; but do not tell them so.”

 

“If there is any one secret of success,” said Henry Ford, “it lies in the ability to get the other person’s point of view and see things from that person’s angle as well as from your own.”

 

“Simply changing one three-letter word can often spell the difference between failure and success in changing people without giving offense or arousing resentment. Many people begin their criticism with sincere praise followed by the word “but” and ending with a critical statement. For example, in trying to change a child’s careless attitude toward studies, we might say, “We’re really proud of you, Johnnie, for raising your grades this term. But if you had worked harder on your algebra, the results would have been better.” In this case, Johnnie might feel encouraged until he heard the word “but.” He might then question the sincerity of the original praise. To him, the praise seemed only to be a contrived lead-in to a critical inference of failure. Credibility would be strained, and we probably would not achieve our objectives of changing Johnnie’s attitude toward his studies. This could be easily overcome by changing the word “but” to “and.” “We’re really proud of you, Johnnie, for raising your grades this term, and by continuing the same conscientious efforts next term, your algebra grade can be up with all the others.”

 

“Criticism is futile because it puts a person on the defensive and usually makes him strive to justify himself.  Criticism is dangerous, because it wounds a person’s precious pride, hurts his sense of importance, and arouses resentment. …. Any fool can criticize, condemn and complain—and most fools do. But it takes character and self-control to be understanding and forgiving.  That reminds me of this famous quote by Thomas Carlyle: “A great man shows his greatness by the way he treats little men.”

 

“I have come to the conclusion that there is only one way under high heaven to get the best of an argument— and that is to avoid it. Avoid it as you would avoid rattlesnakes and earthquakes.”

 

“Try leaving a friendly trail of little sparks of gratitude on your daily trips. You will be surprised how they will set small flames of friendship that will be rose beacons on your next visit.”

 

“Why talk about what we want? That is childish. Absurd. Of course, you are interested in what you want. You are eternally interested in it. But no one else is. The rest of us are just like you: we are interested in what we want.”

 

“You can’t win an argument. You can’t because if you lose it, you lose it; and if you win it, you lose it.”

 

“By fighting you never get enough, but by yielding you get more than you expected.”

 

“If you argue and rankle and contradict, you may achieve a victory sometimes; but it will be an empty victory because you will never get your opponent’s good will.”

 

“Instead of condemning people, let’s try to understand them. Let’s try to figure out why they do what they do. That’s a lot more profitable and intriguing than criticism; and it breeds sympathy, tolerance and kindness. “To know all is to forgive all.”

 

“If you want to know how to make people shun you and laugh at you behind your back and even despise you, here is the recipe: Never listen to anyone for long. Talk incessantly about yourself. If you have an idea while the other person is talking, don’t wait for him or her to finish: bust right in and interrupt in the middle of a sentence.”

 

“Emerson said: “Every man I meet is my superior in some way. In that, I learn of him.”

 

“Buddha said: ‘Hatred is never ended by hatred but by love,’ and a misunderstanding is never ended by an argument but by tact, diplomacy, conciliation and a sympathetic desire to see the other person’s viewpoint.”

 

“about 15 percent of one’s financial success is due to one’s technical knowledge and about 85 percent is due to skill in human engineering—to personality and the ability to lead people.”

 

“The legendary French aviation pioneer and author Antoine de Saint-Exupéry wrote: “I have no right to say or do anything that diminishes a man in his own eyes. What matters is not what I think of him, but what he thinks of himself. Hurting a man in his dignity is a crime.”

 

“I shall pass this way but once; any good, therefore, that I can do or any kindness that I can show to any human being, let me do it now. Let me not defer nor neglect it, for I shall not pass this way again.”

 

“I consider my ability to arouse enthusiasm among my people,” said Schwab, “the greatest asset I possess, and the way to develop the best that is in a person is by appreciation and encouragement. “There is nothing else that so kills the ambitions of a person as criticisms from superiors.”

 

“Instead of condemning people, let’s try to understand them. Let’s try to figure out why they do what they do. That’s a lot more profitable and intriguing than criticism; and it breeds sympathy, tolerance and kindness. “To know all is to forgive all.” As Dr. Johnson said: “God himself, sir, does not propose to judge man until the end of his days.” Why should you and I?”

 

“A person’s toothache means more to that person than a famine in China which kills a million people. A boil on one’s neck interests one more than forty earthquakes in Africa.”

 

“The only reason, for example, that you are not a rattlesnake is that your mother and father weren’t rattlesnakes. You deserve very little credit for being what you are.”

 

“The secret of his success? “I will speak ill of no man,” he said, “. . and speak all the good I know of everybody.”

 

“To change somebody’s behavior, change the level of respect she receives by giving her a fine reputation to live up to. Act as though the trait you are trying to influence is already one of the person’s outstanding characteristics.”

 

“The difference between appreciation and flattery? That is simple. One is sincere and the other insincere. One comes from the heart out; the other from the teeth out. One is unselfish; the other selfish. One is universally admired; the other universally condemned.”

 

“A man convinced against his will

Is of the same opinion still”

 

“When dealing with people, let us remember we are not dealing with creatures of logic. We are dealing with creatures of emotion, creatures bristling with prejudices and motivated by pride and vanity.”

 

“ [T]he only way on earth to influence other people is to talk about what they want and show them how to get it.”

 

“If there is any one secret of success, it lies in the ability to get the other person’s point of view and see things from that person’s angle as well as from your own.”

 

My Take

The classic How to Win Friends and Influence People, which was first published in 1936, is a book whose title everyone has heard of and which has had enormous influence on the world.  After seeing it recommended on several websites, I decided to read it.  Even though more than 80 years have passed since its publication, it stands the test of time.  Just look at the summary and quotes above to see a sampling of all the pearls of wisdom contained in this book.  In fact, I got so much out of it that I asked my 19 year old son to read it as his Christmas gift to me and then spend some time discussing it.  I wholeheartedly recommend you do the same with someone you know from the younger generation. The advice is timeless and will improve the lives of all who read it.

 

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199. The 5 Second Rule: Transform Your Life, Work, and Confidence with Everyday Courage

Rating:  ☆☆☆☆

Recommended by:

Author:   Mel Robbins

Genre:  Non-Fiction, Self Improvement, Psychology

267 pages, published February 28, 2017

Reading Format:  Book

 

Summary

In The 5 Second Rule, author Mel Robbins recounts how she was trapped in a downward spiral so much so that she had trouble even getting out of bed in the morning.  Her entire world shifted when she discovered the 5 second rule.  The secret isn’t knowing what to do—it’s knowing how to make yourself do it.  Basically, when you first think about doing something you should (or shouldn’t), you count backwards from 5 (5-4-3-2-1) and then immediately take action.  For example, when you alarm goes off in the morning, you cant backwards from 5 and then immediately take action to get out of bed.  If you find yourself about to reach for a cookie, you count backwards from 5 and then stop yourself from taking it.

Robbins explains how the power of a “push moment” (i.e. counting backwards from 5) can help us do the things we want to do and stay away from the things we want to avoid.   By following the rule, Robbins believes that you will:  become more confident, break the habits of procrastination and self-doubt, beat fear and uncertainty, stop worrying and feel happier and share your ideas with courage.

 

Quotes 

“Hesitation is the kiss of death. You might hesitate for a just nanosecond, but that’s all it takes. That one small hesitation triggers a mental system that’s designed to stop you. And it happens in less than—you guessed it—five seconds.”

 

“The 5 Second Rule:  The moment you have an instinct to act on a goal you must 5-4-3-2-1 and physically move or your brain will stop you.”

 

“Anytime there’s something you know you should do, but you feel uncertain, afraid, or overwhelmed…just take control by counting backwards 5- 4- 3- 2- 1. That’ll quiet your mind. Then, move when you get to “1.”

 

“You change your life one five-second decision at a time.”

 

“We are all so afraid of uncertainty that we want a guarantee before we even try. We want evidence that if we take a risk we will “get the girl” Its a numbers game. To play any game, you have to start. To win, you need to keep going. If you want to make your dreams come true, get ready for the long game.

Life is not a one and done sort of deal. You’ve got to work for what you want.

Picasso created nearly 100 masterpieces in his lifetime. But what most people don’t know is that he created a total of more then 50,000 works of art. .. Thats two pieces of art a day. Success is a numbers game. You are not going to win if you keep telling yourself to wait. The more often that you choose courage, the more likely you’ll succeed.”

 

“Your feelings don’t matter. The only thing that matters is what you DO.”

 

“When it comes to goals, dreams, and changing your life, your inner wisdom is a genius. Your goal-related impulses, urges, and instincts are there to guide you. You need to learn to bet on them.”

“This is where the #5SecondRule comes into play—you don’t have to want to do it, you just have to push yourself to do it.”

 

“locus of control.” The more that you believe that you are in control of your life, your actions and your future, the happier and more successful you’ll be.”

 

“I owe my morning routine to Duke University professor Dan Ariely. According to Ariely, the first two to three hours of the day are the best hours for your brain, once you fully wake up. So, if you pop out of bed at 6 a.m., your peak thinking and productivity window is 6:30 a.m. to 9 a.m. And so on.”

 

“I was the problem and in five seconds, I could push myself and become the solution.”

 

“There’s one thing that is guaranteed to increase your feelings of control over your life: a bias toward action.”

 

“If you have one of those impulses that are pulling you, if you don’t marry it with an action within 5 seconds, you pull the emergency break and kill the idea.”

 

“That’s an instinct reminding you of the goal. That’s your inner wisdom, and it’s important to pay attention to it, no matter how small or silly that instinct may seem.”

 

“Life is gritty and hard and then suddenly it is brilliant and amazing.”

 

“pushing yourself to take simple actions creates a chain reaction in your confidence and your productivity.”

 

“You can’t control how you feel. But you can always choose how you act.”

 

“I have a hard time finding the balance between not beating myself up when it doesn’t happen as fast as I’d like it to, and not wasting time while I wait for it to happen.”

 

“Start before you’re ready.  Don’t prepare, begin.”       

 

“Passion is not a thing, it’s a state of mind.”

 

My Take

I was skeptical when I first started reading this book.  How could five seconds be such a life changer?  However, author Mel Robbins provides some convincing examples of the rule at work.   Basically, the rule is a spur to action.  How much of our lives are just lazed away?  After finishing the book, I tried out the rule and it does work.  The only problem for me is remembering to use it in the first place.  When I do, I see results.

 

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186. Getting to Yes: Negotiating an Agreement Without Giving In

Rating:  ☆☆☆☆

Recommended by:

Author:   Roger Fisher, William Ury, Bruce Patton

Genre:  Non-Fiction, Psychology, Business, Self-Improvement

200 pages, published December 1, 1991

Reading Format:  Book

 

Summary

Getting to Yes is all about negotiation and how to improve your negotiating skills.  The book is based on the work of the Harvard Negotiation Project, a group that deals with all levels of negotiation and conflict resolution.  Getting to Yes details a step-by-step approach for coming to mutually acceptable agreements in every sort of conflict. The authors describe a method of negotiation that isolates problems, focuses on interests, creates new options, and uses objective criteria to help two parties reach an agreement.

Quotes 

“Any method of negotiation may be fairly judged by three criteria: It should produce a wise agreement if agreement is possible. It should be efficient. And it should improve or at least not damage the relationship between the parties.”

 

“THE METHOD 2. Separate the People from the Problem 3. Focus on Interests, Not Positions 4. Invent Options for Mutual Gain 5. Insist on Using Objective Criteria.”

“People listen better if they feel that you have understood them. They tend to think that those who understand them are intelligent and sympathetic people whose own opinions may be worth listening to. So if you want the other side to appreciate your interests, begin by demonstrating that you appreciate theirs.”

 

“The ability to see the situation as the other side sees it, as difficult as it may be, is one of the most important skills a negotiator can possess.”

 

“As useful as looking for objective reality can be, it is ultimately the reality as each side sees it that constitutes the problem in a negotiation and opens the way to a solution.”

 

“The more extreme the opening positions and the smaller the concessions, the more time and effort it will take to discover whether or not agreement is possible.”

 

“If you want someone to listen and understand your reasoning, give your interests and reasoning first and your conclusions or proposals later.”

 

“The most powerful interests are basic human needs. In searching for the basic interests behind a declared position, look particularly for those bedrock concerns that motivate all people. If you can take care of such basic needs, you increase the chance both of reaching agreement and, if an agreement is reached, of the other side’s keeping to it. Basic human needs include: security, economic well-being, a sense of belonging, recognition, control over one’s life.  As fundamental as they are, basic human needs are easy to overlook. In many negotiations, we tend to think that the only interest involved is money. Yet even in a negotiation over a monetary figure, such as the amount of alimony to be specified in a separation agreement, much more can be involved.”

 

My Take

Many years ago, when I was practicing law at a big Los Angeles law firm, I joined the other litigation attorneys from my firm for a one day seminar on negotiating at Pepperdine University.  The skills that I learned that day were not only useful in my legal practice, but they were also invaluable in my personal life.  We enter into negotiations all the time, whether it is buying a house or deciding where to have dinner or take a vacation.  Getting to Yes was a very nice complement to the Pepperdine negotiating seminar.  Not only do the authors show you how to negotiate, but they also explain why their proposed style is apt to work.  I learned some new methods for negotiating and also reinforced some of the skills I learned at the seminar.  A very useful book that I can unreservedly recommend.

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185. Peak: Secrets from the New Science of Expertise

Rating:  ☆☆☆☆1/2

Recommended by:

Author:   Anders Ericsson and Robert Pool

Genre:  Non-Fiction, Science, Psychology, Self-Improvement

336 pages, published April 4, 2016

Reading Format:  Book

 

Summary

Anders Ericsson, the author of Peak, has devoted his career to expertise.  He shares the results of years of research in which he concludes that the best in almost every field (from Tennis to Violin to Chess to Surgery, etc.) are made, not born.  What matters much more than the genetic material you are born with is how and how much you develop your skills.  The key is the concept of “deliberate practice” in which you use feedback on your performance to hone your skills.

 

Quotes 

“The reason that most people don’t possess these extraordinary physical capabilities isn’t because they don’t have the capacity for them, but rather because they’re satisfied to live in the comfortable rut of homeostasis and never do the work that is required to get out of it. They live in the world of “good enough.” The same thing is true for all the mental activities we engage in.”

 

“you have to keep upping the ante: run farther, run faster, run uphill. If you don’t keep pushing and pushing and pushing some more, the body will settle into homeostasis, albeit at a different level than before, and you will stop improving.”

 

“This is a fundamental truth about any sort of practice: If you never push yourself beyond your comfort zone, you will never improve.”

 

“So here we have purposeful practice in a nutshell: Get outside your comfort zone but do it in a focused way, with clear goals, a plan for reaching those goals, and a way to monitor your progress. Oh, and figure out a way to maintain your motivation.”

 

“Consider this: Most people live lives that are not particularly physically challenging. They sit at a desk, or if they move around, it’s not a lot. They aren’t running and jumping, they aren’t lifting heavy objects or throwing things long distances, and they aren’t performing maneuvers that require tremendous balance and coordination. Thus they settle into a low level of physical capabilities—enough for day-to-day activities and maybe even hiking or biking or playing golf or tennis on the weekends, but far from the level of physical capabilities that a highly trained athlete possesses.”

 

“Learning isn’t a way of reaching one’s potential but rather a way of developing it.”

 

“The best way to get past any barrier is to come at it from a different direction, which is one reason it is useful to work with a teacher or coach.”

 

“If you talk to these extraordinary people, you find that they all understand this at one level or another. They may be unfamiliar with the concept of cognitive adaptability, but they seldom buy into the idea that they have reached the peak of their fields because they were the lucky winners of some genetic lottery. They know what is required to develop the extraordinary skills that they possess because they have experienced it firsthand. One of my favorite testimonies on this topic came from Ray Allen, a ten-time All-Star in the National Basketball Association and the greatest three-point shooter in the history of that league. Some years back, ESPN columnist Jackie MacMullan wrote an article about Allen as he was approaching his record for most three-point shots made. In talking with Allen for that story, MacMullan mentioned that another basketball commentator had said that Allen was born with a shooting touch—in other words, an innate gift for three-pointers. Allen did not agree. “I’ve argued this with a lot of people in my life,” he told MacMullan. “When people say God blessed me with a beautiful jump shot, it really pisses me off. I tell those people, ‘Don’t undermine the work I’ve put in every day.’ Not some days. Every day. Ask anyone who has been on a team with me who shoots the most. Go back to Seattle and Milwaukee, and ask them. The answer is me.” And, indeed, as MacMullan noted, if you talk to Allen’s high school basketball coach you will find that Allen’s jump shot was not noticeably better than his teammates’ jump shots back then; in fact, it was poor. But Allen took control, and over time, with hard work and dedication, he transformed his jump shot into one so graceful and natural that people assumed he was born with it. He took advantage of his gift—his real gift.”

 

“Even the most motivated and intelligent student will advance more quickly under the tutelage of someone who knows the best order in which to learn things, who understands and can demonstrate the proper way to perform various skills, who can provide useful feedback, and who can devise practice activities designed to overcome particular weaknesses.”

 

“In a field you’re already familiar with—like your own job—think carefully about what characterizes good performance and try to come up with ways to measure that, even if there must be a certain amount of subjectivity in your measurement. Then look for those people who score highest in the areas you believe are key to superior performance. Remember that the ideal is to find objective, reproducible measures that consistently distinguish the best from the rest, and if that ideal is not possible, approximate it as well as you can.”

 

My Take

Peak is a fascinating book that I couldn’t put down.  As most people do, I had always assumed that people, who were the best in their fields, for example chess grand masters, were born with a natural talent or ability.  In Peak, long-time expertise researcher Anders Ericsson puts the lie to that belief.  Ericsson convincingly demonstrates that our human potential is more a function of how and how much we do to develop it rather than resulting from a genetic lottery.  The subtext in Peak is also interesting, i.e. you can be an expert in any chosen field, but are you willing to put in the enormous sacrifice to do so?  For my part, the answer is absolutely not.   I would much rather be a generalist and good at a variety of different things than be the best in one limited area.  However, there are a lot of Olympic athletes who would disagree with me.

 

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179. The Four Tendencies: The Indispensable Personality Profiles That Reveal How to Make Your Life Better (and Other People’s Lives Better, Too)

Author:   Gretchen Rubin

Rating:  ☆☆☆☆

Recommended by:  Shannon Lemmon

Genre:  Non-Fiction, Self-Improvement, Psychology

320 pages, published September 12, 2017

Reading Format:  Book

 

Summary

In The Four Tendencies, happiness and habit guru Gretchen Rubin explores the four personality tendencies that almost everyone falls into:  Upholders, Questioners, Obligers, and Rebels.  During her years long investigation into understanding human nature, Rubin realized that by asking the simple question “How do I respond to expectations?” we can understand ourselves and our motivations much, much better.  The book includes a 13 question quiz to determine your personality type.  Once we know our personality type, we can order our world to maximize our productivity, achievement, personal relationships and happiness.

Quotes 

“Upholder:  Discipline is my Freedom.”

“Questioner:  I’ll comply if you convince me why.”

“Obliger:  You can count on me, and I’m counting on you counting on me.”

“Rebel:  You can’t make me and neither can I.”

 

“You are the best judge of yourself. If you believe that a different Tendency describes you better, trust yourself.” I took the test and the results told me that I am a Questioner. This result is accurate, but like the good questioner that I am, I question the validity of Gretchen’s test.”

 

My Take

I’m a big fan of Gretchen Rubin, having read all of her previous books (The Happiness Project is my all time favorite, but I also got a lot out of Better than Before, her book on forming positive habits) and am also a frequent listener of her Happier podcast.  The Four Tendencies goes deeper into the subject of how we respond to expectations first raised by Rubin in Better than Before.  While whipping through this book in a single day, I took the test included in the book and was not surprised to find that I am an Upholder (someone who is characterized by self-discipline and is accountable to both internal and external expectations).  I had my husband Scot take the test and was surprised to learn that he is a Rebel (“don’t tell me what to do”).  Upholder-Rebel combinations in a marriage are rare, but ours works best when I just let Scot do what he wants to do.  With lots of practical advice on how to manage not only your own tendency, but those of those who are close to you, The Four Tendencies is a fascinating and useful read.

 

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173. Your Money and Your Brain

Rating:  ☆☆☆1/2

Recommended by:

Author:   Jason Zweig

Genre:  Non-Fiction, Personal Finance, Psychology, Economics

352 pages, published August 1, 2007

Reading Format:  Book

 

Summary

Your Money and Your Brain explores what happens inside our brains when we think about money?  The answer is quite a lot, actually, and some of it isn’t good for our financial health.  Author Jason Zweig, a veteran financial journalist, explains why smart people make stupid financial decisions and what they can do to avoid these mistakes.  Zweig’s investigation touches on the latest research in neuroeconomics, a new discipline that combines psychology, neuroscience, and economics to better understand financial decision making.  He shows why we often misunderstand risk and why we tend to be overconfident about our investment decisions.

 

Quotes 

“The market is a pendulum that forever swings between unsustainable optimism (which makes stocks too expensive) and unjustified pessimism (which makes them too cheap). The Intelligent Investor is a realist who sells to optimists and buys from pessimists.”

 

“The alluring, long-shot chance of a huge gain is the grease that lubricates the machine of innovation.”

  

My Take

In Your Money and Your Brain, Author Jason Zweig explores many different aspects of how our brain has evolved to deal with risk, gain, loss, greed and fear.  When we allow the reptilian amygdala portion brain to control our investing decisions, we get into trouble by doing things like selling after the market has taken a huge drop, thereby locking in our losses.  In the same manner as JL Collins explains in The Simple Path to Wealth, Zweig describes how a simple buy and hold strategy with index funds is the best way to outsmart your counterproductive inclinations.  Anyone who has ever looked back on a financial decision and marveled at their own stupidity will benefit from reading this book.

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160. Buying In: The Secret Dialogue Between What We Buy and Who We Are

Rating:  ☆☆1/2

Recommended by:

Author:   Rob Walker

Genre:  Non-Fiction, Business, Psychology, Economics

261 pages, published January 1, 2008

Reading Format:  Book

 

Summary

The themes of Buying In is that brands are dead, advertising no longer works, and consumers are in control.  Rob Walker argues that as a result, there has been an important cultural shift that includes a practice he calls murketing, in which people create brands of their own and participate in marketing campaigns for their favorites.  Rather than becoming immune to them, we are rapidly embracing brands.  Profiling Timberland, American Apparel, Pabst Blue Ribbon, Red Bull, iPod, and Livestrong, among others, Walker demonstrates the ways in which buyers adopt products not just as consumer choices but as conscious expressions of their identities.

 

My Take

I picked up Buying In off the shelf at a Malibu vacation rental we were staying at, having heard nothing about the book.  With swaths of free time and a four day deadline to read it, I managed to finish the book.  While I learned a few somewhat interesting things about marketing for different brands, the book barely held my attention.  If you work in the field of marketing and brands, then this book is for you.  If not, my advice is to skip it.

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130. Secrets of the Millionaire Mind: Mastering the Inner Game of Wealth

Rating:  ☆☆☆

Recommended by:   

Author:   T. Harv Eker

Genre:  Non-Fiction, Personal Finance, Psychology, Self Improvement

212 pages, published February 15, 2005

Reading Format:  Book

 

Summary

Secrets of the Millionaire Mind is not your typical personal finance book.  Rather than focusing on procedures for getting rich, T. Harv Ecker (“Harv”) emphasizes that before you can achieve great wealth, you may need to change your mindset.  Harv states: “Give me five minutes, and I can predict your financial future for the rest of your life!” He does this by identifying your “money and success blueprint” and shows how rich people think and act differently than most poor and middle-class people.  According to Harv, we all have a personal money blueprints ingrained in our subconscious minds, and it is this blueprint, more than anything, that will determine our financial lives.  Harv then shows you how to reset your money blueprint to create natural and automatic success.

 

Quotes

“If you want to change the fruits, you will first have to change the roots. If you want to change the visible, you must first change the invisible.”

 

“When you are complaining, you become a living, breathing “crap magnet.””

 

“Recall that thoughts lead to feelings, feelings lead to actions, and actions lead to results. Everything begins with your thoughts—which are produced by your mind.”

 

“The purpose of our lives is to add value to the people of this generation and those that follow.”

 

“Money will only make you more of what you already are.”

 

“The number one reason most people don’t get what they want is that they don’t know what they want.”

 

“What you focus on expands.”

 

“If your motivation for acquiring money or success comes from a nonsupportive root such as fear, anger, or the need to “prove” yourself, your money will never bring you happiness.”

 

  1. Rich people believe “I create my life.” Poor people believe “Life happens to me.”
  2. Rich people play the money game to win. Poor people play the money game to not lose.
  3. Rich people are committed to being rich. Poor people want to be rich.
  4. Rich people think big. Poor people think small.
  5. Rich people focus on opportunities. Poor people focus on obstacles.
  6. Rich people admire other rich and successful people. Poor people resent rich and successful people.
  7. Rich people associate with positive, successful people. Poor people associate with negative or unsuccessful people.
  8. Rich people are willing to promote themselves and their value. Poor people think negatively about selling and promotion.
  9. Rich people are bigger than their problems. Poor people are smaller than their problems.
  10. Rich people are excellent receivers. Poor people are poor receivers.
  11. Rich people choose to get paid based on results. Poor people choose to get paid based on time.
  12. Rich people think “both”. Poor people think “either/or”.
  13. Rich people focus on their net worth. Poor people focus on their working income.
  14. Rich people manage their money well. Poor people mismanage their money well.
  15. Rich people have their money work hard for them. Poor people work hard for their money.
  16. Rich people act in spite of fear. Poor people let fear stop them.
  17. Rich people constantly learn and grow. Poor people think they already know.”

 

“Robert Allen said something quite profound: “No thought lives in your head rent-free.”

 

“It’s not enough to be in the right place at the right time. You have to be the right person in the right place at the right time.”

 

“The first element of change is awareness. You can’t change something unless you know it exists.”

 

“just realize that no amount of money can ever make you good enough. Money can’t make you something you already are.”

 

“How will I know when I’ve completed my mission?” The answer? “If you are still breathing, you are not done.”

 

“WEALTH PRINCIPLE: When the subconscious mind must choose between deeply rooted emotions and logic, emotions will almost always win.”

 

My Take:   I found a lot of Secrets of the Millionaire Mind to be rather hokey.  For example, at the end of every chapter, Harv advises his readers to put their hands on their heads and repeat the mantra “I have a Millionaire Mind.”  Count me skeptical, but I don’t see that working for me.  I did, however, think he had some interesting insights into how certain people will never be wealthy, or will quickly lose their wealth should they somehow obtain some, because of a mindset that is anti-wealth.  I’ve observed this first hand among a few friends and family members.  If you are envious or resentful of rich people, it is highly unlikely that you will ever be rich yourself.   On a related note, my husband and I have noticed that it is very difficult for people to hold onto money when they did not play a part in earning that money in the first place.  I also found Harv’s observation that when you are complaining, you become a living, breathing “crap magnet” to be hilarious and true.

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